Archive for the 'Funny Things' Category

A Fish Can Swim

Wednesday, July 16th, 2008

When it comes to swimming I am more or less a floating mound of hair.  My friend Jimmy the Jumping Walleye, on the other hand, is the best swimmer I have ever seen.  Jimmy was over to my place the other night to play cards and we started talking about the Olympics and how Jimmy […]

Aha, Said the Moose

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

I looked around on a Tuesday expecting to see a Wednesday around the corner.  Instead I saw a purple cat wearing a yellow hat.  My wondering eyes told my sleepy ears to pay no attention because the pickles are not masters of linguistics.

What a Little Birdie Told Me

Monday, July 14th, 2008

I was walking along minding my own business when all of a sudden this funny looking bird landed in front of me and started talking about the weather.  I realized the bird was trying to start up a conversation with me. I was a little shocked to see a talking bird and I said to him […]

Gas Costs More Than Milk

Sunday, July 13th, 2008

After completing some very complicated calculations I have reached the conclusion that gas now costs more than milk.  At least in the United States.  I guess I will consider milk my fuel while I peddle my bicycle.

Smiley Foot Language- Wooga Wa Wa Wooga Wa Wa

Saturday, July 12th, 2008

In the Smiley Foot language “Wooga Wa Wa Wooga Wa Wa” translates to “I have a bad headache.  Please leave me alone.”

Messin with Sasquatch Commercials

Friday, July 11th, 2008

Jack Links Beef Jerky has a series of commercials referred to as “Messin with Sasquatch”.  It looks as though they got my second cousin Eddie to appear in them.  I guess I always knew Eddie would sell out for the right price. Because of the commercials I now have annoying kids doing copycat pranks to […]

Carl’s Table Problem

Friday, July 11th, 2008

The tables seemed to be turned, though Carl could not be sure because it was a round table.

Getting to the Office

Monday, July 7th, 2008

The  parking lot is located 3 miles from the office.  A swamp and lava pit are located in between at the bottom of a 50 foot deep canyon and the only way employees are able to cross in via an old rickety bridge like the scary ones you see in movies. After crossing the […]

The Work at Vacation Package

Sunday, July 6th, 2008

Do you ever wake up in the morning and say to yourself “Ya know, I would rather stick my left hand a blender than go to work today!”  Well then we have a deal for you!  The “Worse Than Going to Work Vacation Package”.  Most vacations leave you feeling depressed about having to go […]

Singing Sasquatch

Saturday, July 5th, 2008

My dream since childhood has been to become a lounge singer in Vegas.  Recently I have decided to kick that dream into high gear.  I have been practicing almost nonstop for the last week, and I have the lyrics to every Tom Jones song memorized! I have even developed my own dance routine involving leg […]